Preface: The arrival
It was early as fuck. No sleep. Drank a bit. Haven’t eaten. Security line at PHL is out the door.
Why the fuck are there so many people here? Where are they all going? Do they know its 5am? Do they know they’re in my way? Just move. What’s with all these ropes? Is this necessary, herded cattle is what we are.
Later in the week I will be introduced to the term “Crowd Salmon”. I don’t know this term yet. I don’t even know I’m salmon yet.
Make deer antlers with my hands. Pat down, frisk, half a happy ending and a barefoot walk of shame later and I am through. The rest of the Philly contingent is late. Well the ones I can spot. There are three coming that are familiar enough to be spottable. They took a cab. Who would really drive a friend to the airport this early. I would call one of them. They would call me. They’re running late. One of them is actually from Boston. You can hear it when she gets happy or mad. She is still one of us. Later that trip all of us would be a little Boston.
We didn’t know that yet.
A lot of things would change. It’s just how it happens sometimes. Life will change you.
Find the gate. Well hello Aziz Ansari you are on my flight. I will begin the years of embellishment now. We shook hands and he told me he admired one the few times I’ve ever done comedy that he somehow heard about and would like me to write jokes for him. This will be further embellished for the rest of my life.
As for what really happened, I creepily followed him and tried to get a shady picture to send to my not yet arrived cohorts. It’s my story though, so we are bff and he thinks I’m really funny and tall.
Boarding time. 6:30am EST. Seats are comfy and large. Outlets, oh glorious outlets. Richard Branson this is why you will take us to Mars. Cabin doors close and no friends. The flight attendant asks us to power down our devices, which for reference has zero affect on the instrument panels as long as no one has a mobile device more than 20 years old. Did you know most cockpits boast several always connected iPads that are not powered down during takeoff or landing? Continue reading